February 27, 2004 - 12:40 PM

I am the girl that has Farrah Fawcett hair today.

I am the girl that bought one of these yesterday:

I am the girl that is growing a newly created, not quite groundbreaking B&W Cookie Cut.

I am the girl that has a pulsating left eyeball that is very troubling.

I am the girl that always thought that you got a Stigmatism�..not that you had Astigmatism.

I am the girl that fucked up her toe jumping off of a bar she just danced on.

I am the girl that is forking out a lot of dough to purchase one of these tonight:

I am the girl that has a husband she is not worthy of.

I am the girl who has no birthmarks.

I am the girl who can always be counted on.

I am the girl that hates to always be counted on.

I am the girl who likes her martinis dirty, her music loud and her food, fast.

I am the girl that owns Lord of the Rings Opoly and is proud of it.

I am the girl that secretly loves the smell of horse manure and gasoline fumes.

I am the girl that has never had a yeast infection.

I am the girl that has never put peanut butter in a special place in order to attract the tongue of a non-human being.

I am the girl who would rather play video games than eat.

I am the girl that won�t litter no matter what.

I am the girl that was once told, by a man from Spain, that, �If the way you dance is any indication of the way you make love, then your husband is a lucky man.�

I am the girl who can�t ever have too much soy sauce.

I am the girl that listens to Dr. Laura everyday even though I can�t stand her.

I am the girl that has a schoolgirl crush on her daughter�s, most likely lesbian, pitching coach.

I am the girl that gave $0.75 to a homeless lady this morning

I am the girl that dreams of giant spiders.

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