2003-11-02 - 1:17 p.m.

What do you mean by asking me what I�m going to make with my tofu? I think you�re implying that I�m odd or some sort of health nazi because I�m purchase tofu. It was also pretty darn rude that when I�m reluctantly explaining to you how I mean to prepare my tofu that you suddenly press mute and hit the ignore button and could give a flying frick about the words that are cominouttamymouth.

Then the cherry on the cake of my implicated tofu freakishness was the lovely, thick browed bag boy adding, �My girlfriend eats tofu�.I�m all like, �no thank you�� I don�t know how anybody can eat that stuff.�

Hello? An esteemed customer of your fuckity fuck establishment eats that stuff!

Doi.

And on my way home I spied the Oscar Meyer Weinermobile.

Again.

For you see, the Weinermobile lives near me.

Not, �near me� near me, but near me.

I see it every so often. Like once or twice a month.

Which isn�t a lot, but it�s the Weinermobile. I mean, how many times a month do YOU see the Weinermobile?

Right?

If I woulda had my camera handy, you would�ve seen a picture of the Weinermobile inserted under the word, �doi�. But I didn�t, so you won�t.

It�s fun to say�.�Weinermobile, Weinermobile, Wiernermobile�.

I just finished vacuuming and I�m all sweaty so I took off my shirt and I�m typing in my bra and a pair of jeans.

Nice in your imagination�yes.

In reality�kinda scary.

Then there was yesterday morning when all I wanted was a McStupid McGriddleMcMuffinMcPancakesMcHashbrowns at McIdiot McDonalds.

First of all, I�m on a time crunch�.so the waiting in line is killing me.

Second of all, I don�t have any cash, so I�m hoping they take ATM.

Third of all, when I get to the front of the line, my hopes on point # Second of all (see above sentence) are dashed.

What year is it? What country is this? Shouldn�t the largest fast food chain in the known universe have the capability for automatic debit payment procedures?

Maybe they�re back their shucking the potatoes and milking the McAsshole cows for their McCumtasting McShakes�.

So, it�s cool, right�.This particular McDonald�s is attached to a Chevron, I just have to run over to the Chevron side and hit their little cash machine. Sure, it will add about a $4 service charge to my transaction, but I gotta get some freakin� McBreakfast and get the McEff outta here.

Find it, approach it, �out of order� sign.

FUCK!

Okay you stupids, I guess you�re forcing me to purchase something at the shitty McChevron so I can get some bitchass cash back.

Grab some Wheat Thins.

Ring it up, I�m pressing the buttons.

No cash back option.

Testicles!

I�m really seething�especially when I have to go out to my car and drive to the McDicksuckin� bank to get some McSuckass cash and drive back to the McAmish McDonald�s just to get into the McCrawlthru to get my McSluttyho McFattening Breakfast.

My 15 minute breakfast run turned into 30.

Wasted my McFuckin morning.

�

�

previous - next