2003-11-02 - 1:17 p.m.

What do you mean by asking me what I’m going to make with my tofu? I think you’re implying that I’m odd or some sort of health nazi because I’m purchase tofu. It was also pretty darn rude that when I’m reluctantly explaining to you how I mean to prepare my tofu that you suddenly press mute and hit the ignore button and could give a flying frick about the words that are cominouttamymouth.

Then the cherry on the cake of my implicated tofu freakishness was the lovely, thick browed bag boy adding, “My girlfriend eats tofu….I’m all like, ‘no thank you’… I don’t know how anybody can eat that stuff.”

Hello? An esteemed customer of your fuckity fuck establishment eats that stuff!

Doi.

And on my way home I spied the Oscar Meyer Weinermobile.

Again.

For you see, the Weinermobile lives near me.

Not, “near me” near me, but near me.

I see it every so often. Like once or twice a month.

Which isn’t a lot, but it’s the Weinermobile. I mean, how many times a month do YOU see the Weinermobile?

Right?

If I woulda had my camera handy, you would’ve seen a picture of the Weinermobile inserted under the word, “doi”. But I didn’t, so you won’t.

It’s fun to say….“Weinermobile, Weinermobile, Wiernermobile”.

I just finished vacuuming and I’m all sweaty so I took off my shirt and I’m typing in my bra and a pair of jeans.

Nice in your imagination…yes.

In reality…kinda scary.

Then there was yesterday morning when all I wanted was a McStupid McGriddleMcMuffinMcPancakesMcHashbrowns at McIdiot McDonalds.

First of all, I’m on a time crunch….so the waiting in line is killing me.

Second of all, I don’t have any cash, so I’m hoping they take ATM.

Third of all, when I get to the front of the line, my hopes on point # Second of all (see above sentence) are dashed.

What year is it? What country is this? Shouldn’t the largest fast food chain in the known universe have the capability for automatic debit payment procedures?

Maybe they’re back their shucking the potatoes and milking the McAsshole cows for their McCumtasting McShakes….

So, it’s cool, right….This particular McDonald’s is attached to a Chevron, I just have to run over to the Chevron side and hit their little cash machine. Sure, it will add about a $4 service charge to my transaction, but I gotta get some freakin’ McBreakfast and get the McEff outta here.

Find it, approach it, “out of order” sign.

FUCK!

Okay you stupids, I guess you’re forcing me to purchase something at the shitty McChevron so I can get some bitchass cash back.

Grab some Wheat Thins.

Ring it up, I’m pressing the buttons.

No cash back option.

Testicles!

I’m really seething…especially when I have to go out to my car and drive to the McDicksuckin’ bank to get some McSuckass cash and drive back to the McAmish McDonald’s just to get into the McCrawlthru to get my McSluttyho McFattening Breakfast.

My 15 minute breakfast run turned into 30.

Wasted my McFuckin morning.

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