June 30, 2004 - 6:56 AM

::::tinny rendition of Beyonce�s �Bootylicious�::::

RICCI: :::flipping open cell phone::: Hello?

AGENT: Hey Chrissy! What�s goin� on?

RICCI: Aw�hey Stew, nuthin�, just chillin� with my abnormally large forehead and jumbly breasts still wonderin� how you convinced me to do Casper. How�re you?

AGENT: Dude, I�m fine. Hey listen, I got a fuckin� killer ass script for you. You�re gonna love it!

RICCI: Seriously? Does it have animated characters?

AGENT: Naw�Hey Xtina..let that go already will you?

RICCI: Fuck you.

AGENT: Anywayz�

RICCI: Okay, okay�sorry�. Tell me about it�.

AGENT: Okay, it�s this based on a true life story thing with this murdering hooker turned lesbian and they�ve got CHARLIZE THERON in the lead role!

RICCI: Seriously?

AGENT: Yes! And you would play the role of the na�ve lesbian sidekick who falls in love with her!

RICCI: Really? A lesbian sidekick? And Charlize Theron is my lover?!?!

AGENT: Yes! Can you believe it! They think you�d be perfect!

RICCI: Really?

AGENT: That�s what they told me! Straight up..I ain�t frontin�.

RICCI: � Frontin��???

AGENT: Ahh..nevermind.

RICCI: Ummm�K.

AGENT: So, here�s the best part�you get to fully make out with Charlize in like 6 scenes!

RICCI: SCORE! Are you serious??!!? Is there nudity?!

AGENT: No, not any serious nudity, but I can ask to have some put in if you want me to.

RICCI: No, just wonderin�.

AGENT: There is a bit of a downside though.

RICCI: Uh oh. What?

AGENT: Charlize is gonna look like a chubby, no eyebrow, fugly girl.

RICCI: What?

AGENT: Yeah�it�s called �Monster� and boy with this makeup and extra 30 pounds she�s gonna look just like one�

RICCI: So, I�m making out with a scary ugly Charlize Theron in like 6 scenes?

AGENT: Yeah�if you get it.

RICCI: Aw man, you�re such a dick. :::pause::: Well, fuck it, if I did fuckin� Casper, I can tongue kiss a scary Charlize.

AGENT: That�s my girl!

RICCI: Fuck you Stew. Don�t call me your girl.

AGENT: Right. Okeley dokely, I gotta run, I�m late for my cleansing. Ciao.

�

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