June 11, 2004 - 5:04 PM

I wanted a bowl of cereal.

So I grabbed this box from the top of my refrigerator:

It is a cereal called Hi-Lo with Strawberries.

I’d never had it before.

The box says, “Hi-Lo with Strawberries is a great tasting all natural cereal specially formulated to support the nutritional needs of people who want to maintain a high protein diet which is low in carbohydrates and sugar.”

So I opened the box, ripped open the little plastic bag inside and started to pour my Hi-Lo with Strawberries into a smallish cereal bowl.

And that is when I noticed that there were no strawberries.

Puzzled, I looked into the box. I still didn’t spy any red flecks in amongst the yellowish-tannish flakes.

I tilted the box at various angles, thinking it was just too dark inside the box to see the strawberries.

But, I still couldn’t see any strawberries.

I checked the box again just to make sure:

Yes. It says, Hi-Lo with Strawberries.

Realizing I may have stumbled upon a David Horowitz situation, I grabbed the biggest tray I could find and dumped the entire contents of the cereal box onto it.

And lo and behold, I did find some strawberries:

There were three of them.

Well, three plus about 2 small flakes. So, maybe, technically, it was 3.5.

I checked the box again just to make sure.

It said, ”Experience the Deliciously NaturalTM way of maintaining your well-being by making Hi-Lo with Strawberries a part of your daily diet”

I looked down at the tray:

Hmmm…

Well, technically, there ARE strawberries. But if you look at the picture on the front of the box, there are clearly at least 8 visible strawberries in ONE bowl. If you figure one box of cereal is good for about 6 nice sized bowls of good eating, then, by judging by the cover of the box, there should at least be a minimum of 48 strawberries in the entire box.

But I only had three.

Sorry, three and a HALF.

To be safe, I checked the ingredients:

Soy grits, wheat gluten, soy protein concentrate, corn starch, corn bran, rice flour, canola oil, natural flavors, evaporated cane juice, FREEZE DRIED STRAWBERRIES, salt, caramel color, vitamin E (mixed tocopherols) as natural antioxidants.

It does list them.

Curious as to what the company that makes Hi-Lo with Strawberries might say in this matter, I wrote them the following letter:

6/3

Dear Sirs,

I've just opened a box of your Hi-Lo with Strawberries and have found, much to my surprise, a total of 3.5 strawberries in the entire box.

Please see attached picture.

I was very disappointed to see that my box of Hi-Lo with Strawberries hardly contained any strawberries whatsoever. The picture on the front of the box clearly shows at least 8 strawberries in ONE single bowl of Hi-Lo with Strawberries. I would assume by this photo, that, estimating there are 6-1 cup servings in a box of Hi-Lo with Strawberries, that I could expect to have a minimum of 48 strawberries in one box.

But I only have 3.5. (The half are really just smallish flakes...I chalked them up to a "half" for ease of writing this letter).

I bought this particular box at my local Trader Joes. The upc # on the box reads, 071988013924.

The expiration date reads: Best By Dec. 7 04 10:46.

I would appreciate your thoughts on how you might rectify this matter. I believe advertising strawberries in the very NAME of the cereal, i.e. "Hi-Lo with STRAWBERRIES" and by picturing at least EIGHT strawberries in a bowl on the COVER of the box, is false advertising if you are only planning on putting 3.5 of them in a box.

I have now lost my appetite for the bowl of Hi-Lo with Strawberries as I was really looking forward to the taste of cereal with the sweetness of strawberries but I only have 3.5 and that really won't do much for me considering I'd have to ration them out between different breakfasts I would have and even then I wouldn’t be able to have at least one strawberry with every bowl of cereal unless I only had 3 bowls total and that would mean I would need to have 3 very huge servings. I would hate to throw up because of this problem.

Thank you for your attention and I await your response.

Regards,

Tracy

I waited three days.

No response.

So I sent it again with more comments as follows:

Dear Sirs-

I am resending this email which was originally sent on June 3rd. Perhaps you didn't get it the first time.

I would think that the customer service department should be able to respond to a letter within 2 business days so perhaps this email was deleted by mistake.

I am still perturbed by this whole incident and would like your response at your earliest convenience.

Thank you in advance,

Tracy

It’s now been a few days since I sent the resend.

No answer.

What lousy customer service.

You can best bet I won’t be buying Hi-Lo With Strawberries ever again.

I was tempted to call them to follow up in the matter. But why? I ended up throwing the box of cereal away cuz it got stale after I had to pour it out on the tray and everything…plus it didn’t have any fucking strawberries in it.

I don’t really want any dumbass coupons they’d probably offer to send me.

I think I’d just like a simple apology.

Dear Tracy, We’re really sorry for fucking with your box of cereal. We always mess with one box on the production line to see if anyone ever would call. You’re the first one. Congratulations! Normally you’d have a lot of strawberries in there, but hey, too bad for you. (quite honestly, it’s not all that great tasting anyway…you’re better off rotting your teeth on some Frosted Flakes or Count Chocula. Sincerely, The Boys At Hi-Lo With Strawberries

But I got, well, I got about as much apology as I got strawberries…

Would be nice to get my money back, but whatever…. I’m sure it was only like $3.00 and crap.

But God! There were only THREE FUCKING STRAWBERRIES IN THE ENTIRE BOX!!!

I’m just gonna have to let it go. No use crying over lack of strawberries.

But still..it’s fucked.

*******ADDENDUM---SUNDAY NIGHT JUNE 11TH!!!!*******

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