June 04, 2004 - 6:51 AM

“Which one of these things is not like the other? Which one of these things doesn’t belong?”

That would be me.

I am a freak on the inside and it’s even more magnified when I’m around supposedly “normal” people.

For example…Here I am running up to my hotel room at the fabulously stellar La Quinta at Flamingo and Paradise in the most wonderful place on earth called Las Vegas…..running up to my room to go pee, check my retarded hair and type to you.

The collective, no face you.

(Musicmatch is playing on my ‘puter right now cuz you know I can’t live without the tuneage.)

So, yeah, back to how I’m a freak and everyone else isn’t.

It’s just, yeah, so I’m on this lil trip with a buncha pre-middle aged and actual middle-aged parents and please kill me if I ever turn into that.

Fuckin’ old and normal and sweet and talk all fucking I don’t know.

Im finally drunk right here btw…

So, yeah…all I can think of sayin is while my kids were at the pool with their bestest friends I was sucking the hell out of my husband’s balls and getting fucked anally and a pillow shoved down my face and then I just come out all smiley and polite and nodding to all the other mom’s and thinkin’ you guys don’t allow your men to fuck you up the ass and when was the last time you sucked your man’s balls?

Never.

But they are nice people, don’t get me wrong.

::::PARAGRAPH DELETED BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT IDENTIFIED MY OLDEST CHILD A BIT TOO MUCH::::::

And that’s nice. I am grateful.. I am polite back. I’m a nice person. It’s just that it just makes me feel so much more freakish cuz I don’t think these nice ladies masturbate at work ever…or if they do, it’s probably not on the floor in a single person bathroom and it’s certainly not twice a day.

Not that I do it twice a day, but I have (thanks “he who shall remain nameless”).

Yeah, I’m all singular with my iPod shoulder dancing with my Eminem or Mary J. and they are all eating cookies and talking halftime crap and whatever and eating subway sandwiches.

So normal

I’m so buzzed right now and not making half the typos I would normally think I would be making.

Oh, and also, I can’t believe I’ve been almost three days without my best friend the internet.

I went through the shakes and the vomits and withdrawl crap but it’s all good. I’m sure it’s better for me. At least I brought my laptop and can write this shit down. Save me some fuckingtime next week when all I need to do is post this shit up for y’all to read.

I love you, btw.

(ha…see the happy drunk!!! Hi Katie!!)

I’m thinking this post is to be continued cuz I need to run back down to the gathering place, aka “The Pool”, where I just ditched everyone while in my buzzlike state in order to do what I said in paragraph four.

There is a very slight chance I might step into a casino tonight. Wish me luck. You fuck.

Addendum

Surprisingly enough, the guy I’m married to actually allowed me to go to a casino with this other married guy…just the two of us..how cozy.

We walked a block to a casino I had never been in before.

TERRIBLE’S!!!

LOL!

A dive-casino if you will….

A mile from the strip.

The doors opened and I was home.

The lights, the ding ding ding, the rotten cigarette odor and smell of human desperation and intoxication.

I played my nickel slot Fishing Game and was helped along by two youngish Hispanic gentlemen who didn’t speak any English but felt they could be helpful at any rate even though all I had to do was press the same button over and over again.

And the only two words I could understand were, “Tuh-REE-Blays” which I knew was the name of the casino in Spanish…and something that sounded like cheeka.

I eventually cashed out and left that machine because it was getting too crowded.

I played roulette instead.

I love roulette. But it didn’t love me. So we broke up and I took his favorite chair and burned it on the lawn.

Then I hooked up with the guy I came with and lost some more money before we decided to lose some more money and then make our way back home.

But at least I made it into a “casino” (and I use the term loosely) while in Vegas.

The end.

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