June 03, 2004 - 3:39 PM

Who knew Las Vegas had softball fields?

Hell…who knew there was a life outside the strip?

Not me.

Vegas is Vegas.

Vegas isn’t a city where people live and go grocery shopping and go to work and take their kids to school.

Go to church.

Fucking hysterical.

But reality check.

It is.

And a 67-year-old black man told me so.

He sat next to me on the bench last night.

Nice guy with a fucked up knee.

Told me the abbreviated version of his life story he did.

He’s a lifetime referee.

Now he’s also the boss of referees.

Told me he never coaches kids under 10 cuz he gets “beat up back there” on accounta the little girl catchers don’t always get the ball in their mitt and sumatha pitching ain’t too accurate.

Funny.

Yeah, so this whole trip has been the anti-Vegas experience.

I don’t think I’m liking it very much. I can say this truthfully.

It’s now been 2 whole days and I haven’t stepped foot into a casino, put one nickel into a slot machine or raised my blood alcohol level to even anywhere NEAR an illegal limit.

It’s like having a hot girl in your bed and all you can do is watch Cartoon Network and just fucking pray that you can at least jack off in the bathroom at least fucking once cuz it’s not looking good at scoring with this hot chick.

Even though you’d tapped that ass many times before.

Not like she’s not ASKIN for it.

It’s just that you can’t get it.

Like it’s behind some bars and shit.

Locked up.

Give me a treasure map.

Just don’t show me the blinky lights anymore.

Prick tease Vegas I am a loser.

Kill me now.

I’m SO losing Vegas Points. I’m a sad sober fuck with not one ding ding ding to my name.

This is just wrong.

I am NEVER doing this again.

Ever.

Kill me now.

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