June 02, 2004 - 12:52 PM

Parents and their kids

Kids and their parents.

You see them regularly at the sports games you attend.

In Suburbiaville.

But get them in Vegas around a hotel pool with some malty beverages and they change a bit.

Last night a drunk dad was being very funny.

Alcohol makes a funny guy funnier…sometimes.

And with this drunk dad, it was definitely making him funnier.

Until the funny got mixed up with ugly.

And when the funny mixes with ugly, yer not quite sure whether to keep on laughing or chuckle, then nod and point at some random thing and go, “Oh dang! Lookit that! I’ll be right back.” And skulk away quickly.

He was standing and I was sitting and eating so the skulk away (is skulk a real word or did I just make that up?) really wasn’t a viable option for me.

What was the funny ugly?

Well, he started talking about his 13 year old daughter.

And how she was as dumb as a bag of hammers.

So I respond with, “Ho ho ho…” and he says, “No, really she’s dumb as a plank of wood.”

And I still want to think he’s joking…but he carries on.

And on…and on…

In detail…with many examples of how dumb she is. Like he is proving it to me.

Loudly.

And his daughter is in the area that we are…and I know her…and she’s a sweet girl.

Then he starts talking about how he can’t understand why she’s so fat. Because her older sister is super thin and pretty as hell and why is his 13 year old fat and plain?

Oh geez.

The funny is over. Can’t he see that?

He’s saying all of this in a funny way but he’s completely serious. And I keep saying small things like, “Oh well…”, “Come on now, hohoho…” All the while wanting to go as far away from this guy as I can. The drunk dad who is unleashing all of the doubts and concerns and disappointments he has about his 13 year old daughter who I can see playing in the hotel swimming pool.

And I’m sad for her.

But finally someone grabs his attention and I make quarterback like quickstyle maneuvers to get to where he can’t talk to me anymore before he can see that I’m gone.

And I go.

Fast.

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