May 17, 2004 - 6:41 PM

I have never just been so fucking pissed AND laughing my ass off at the same time.

Okay. Last night I wrote this to somebody:

...i will tell you that my dogs stole the chronicles of narnia book off of my nightstand (motherfucking dogs!) and ran outside with it, and i didn't notice until it was too late and they had eaten it partially and i am freshly showered, in a nightie sort of loungey thing (nothing else!) and I have to then run out onto the back lawn after them (buzzing) and semi-chase the dogs (fuckers!) until I can pry the moist, partial book particles from their jaws(fucking fuckers!) and then I am stepping on stickers and they are penetrating my bare feet and i am fucking (pissed!) and i now have a ripped narnia book and stickers in my feet and am walking back to the house (on the sides of my feet) and get to the back door and (yes) the back door is locked!

ROFLMAO!

I am outside in a semi see through nightie thingie with a wet chewed partial book in my hand, thorns in my feet and i am locked out.

LOL!

So, I have to then CLIMB onto this outside wooden table thing and CRAWL IN through a window that(luckily) was open and almost kill myself on the fall to the floor on the (inside) of the house and if only i was on reality tv would really make this that much more funny for all of the people of the free world.

you shoulda been there.

Yeah, so that was last night.

So, ROFLMAO....just now....my fucking older dog (pictured) jumps on the couch and grabs a wooden coaster in his mouth.

I see him do this and he sees me and he freezes.

Like, "What you gonna do bitch?"

And I'M the bitch.

And I yell at him and he takes off!

Now, with my dogs, if you dont get the shit out of their mouths right away, it's history. We're down to our last remote for our DirecTV. Seriously.

So, I chase after him. Luckily, I'm still wearing my workout clothes. EXCEPT FOR MY SHIRT CUZ I TOOK IT OFF CUZ I WAS FUCKING SWEATING LIKE A PIG!!!

So, I'm chasing after him in bike shorts and a pink bra and tennis shoes AROUND MY BACKYARD, BACK INTO THE HOUSE, ALL AROUND THE MULBERRY BUSH OF MY DINING TABLE and I am so fucking PISSED and at the same time LAUGHING MY ASS OFF and this dog just keeps DODGING ME like he is fucking DUCK DODGERS or some shit and I keep closing off open doors and narrowing his escape paths!

AND JUST THE FACT THAT HE HAS ESCAPE PATHS IS MAKING ME LAUGH AND GET PISSED EVEN MORE!

I swear I am running around like a dumbass after this dog FOR FIVE MINUTES!!! WHICH SEEMS LIKE SHORT AMOUNT OF TIME BUT NOT WHEN IT'S ALLAROUND YOUR BACKYARD AND YOUR HOUSE AND YOU ARE WEARING A BRA AND BIKE SHORTS!!LOLLOLOLOLOLOL!!!

I finally cornered him behind the couch and grabbed the stupid coaster out of his mouth.

Fucking fuck dog.

LOL!

Now my stomach hurts

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