May 11, 2004 - 9:30 PM

Elvis Costello used to kick so much ass.

What happened?

Does he accomplish ass kicking even now? I don't know.

All I know is "Alison" was in the running for girls names when I looked like a beached whale oh so many years ago.

And every day I question my parenting, because that's just what I do.

I don't want to screw up.

I try hard every day to make sure all bases are covered.

I make pancakes.

I tickle.

I play video games.

I say prayers...but not until I'm done reading to them.

Amazing dichotomy of how I present myself here?

Yes, it is.

But you wouldn't come read this if I turned it into a boring, mundane mom blog now would you?

My 8 yr. old even made a "formula" the other day...I'm still not sure of the ingredients, but the bottle of Thai Fish Sauce was still on the counter....he was drinking it thru a plexi straw in the living room, sad faced. I asked him why the sad face and he said that nobody wanted to try his formula.

So I did.

Three big sucks thru the straw.

His sad face went away.

(and the formula wasn't half bad)

Yeah, this stuff....that's the part of me I like to keep to myself. Yes, even I beleive some things are sacred.

Especially those things.

But it's hard.

I'm selfish.

And the worst thing is, I like to be alone.

Being alone isn't the most easiest thing to accomplish in my situation.

It happens by chance. Like tonight.

I'm all alone.

AND I LOVE IT.

i LOVE it. With a capital LOVE.

I like to waste my time with useless, meaningless things. Porn, masturbation (those go hand in hand), tv, video games and eating.

I told you...useless, meaningless...

I swear, if I ever lived alone I would wiegh 400 pounds and have the most incredible video game and porn collection in the world.

My perfect night is to play my iTunes on shuffle and click away on Yahoo Pyramids.

I'm so sad.

It's pretty pathetic really.

But I need it.

I do too much all day long. I need to be vacant sometimes.

I probably need to cry sometimes too. But I don't.

I probably need to get angry sometimes too. But I don't.

Instead I come here and let it fly. And that helps.

And I really have nothing at all to complain about.

It's just a stage. And I'm on it, doing my best amongst all of you. All of us. Playing our parts.

Breaking a leg or two.

Night after night.

Day after day.

and so on.

and so on.

FADE TO BLACK

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