May 06, 2004 - 6:04 PM

If i told you that you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?

Please?

Just once.

For new times sake?

Q: Back in the days on the boulevard of Linden,

we used to kick routines and presence was fittin'.

It was I the abstract

P: And me the five footer.

I kicks the mad style so step off the frankfurter.

And i don't give a flying crap that Friends is ending tonight. They've been promoting that junk for about 6 months now. Who cares? Why is this important? I have real friends and they are more important than the fakey friends who are completely perfect and beautiful and pretend. I'm not saying that my friends are fucked up and ugly, but at least they're real and they mean something to me.

And on this Thursday night, while Friends is ending, I have special mental shout out to one friend who I hope is surviving this eve okay. This eve..and every eve.

Q: Yo, Phife, you remember that routine

that we used to make spiffy like mister clean?

P: Um um, a tidbit, um, a smidgen.

I don~t get the message so you gots to run the pigeon.

Q: You on point Phife?

P: All the time, tip.

Q: You on point Phife?

P: All the time, tip.

Q: You on point Phife?

P: All the time, tip.

Q: Well, then grab the microphone and let your words rip.

If I hadda known I was gonna be naked today letting strangers touch me in flabby places, well, I woulda worn better underwear.

Naw...actually I had on pretty good undies. And my most powerful black bra.

So I guess if I hadda known I was gonna be naked, I would've um..rather not have had strangers touch me in flabby places.

P: Now here's a funky introduction of how nice I am.

Tell your mother, tell your father, send a telegram.

I'm like an energizer 'cause, you see, I last long.

My crew is never ever wack because we stand strong.

Now if you say my style is wack that's where you're dead wrong.

I slayed that body in El Segundo then push it along.

You'd be a fool to reply that Phife is not the man

'cause you know and I know that you know who I am.

A special shot of peace goes out to all my pals, you see.

And a middle finger goes for all you punk MC's.

'Cause I love it when you wack MC's despise me.

They get vexed, I roll next, can~t none contest me.

I'm just a fly MC who's five foot three and very brave.

On job remaining, no I'm chaining cause I misbehave.

I come correct in full effect have all my hoes in check.

And before I get the butt the jim must be erect.

You see, my aura~s positive I don't promote no junk.

See, I'm far from a bully and I ain't a punk.

Extremity in rhythm, yeah that's what you heard.

So just clean out your ears and just check the word.

And can somebody tell me something?

Why, oh why, do we need DAY FRESH BEER?

Is that ever really important to a beer drinker? Has Joe Average Beer Drinker EVER taken a sip of his PBR, spat it out, and indignantly sneered at the bartender, louder than the jukebox exclaiming, "THIS beer is 2 days old! I refuse to pay for this crap!"

I think not.

I think Joe Average Beer Drinker just likes drinking beer. Out of a shoe. Licked off the wood bar top. Out of a glass even.

If I want something that is DAY FRESH, I'm thinkin' it's gonna be a) produce, b)meat, c) cheese or d)pussy.

(just kidding on d. I mean, that would be like child abuse and shit)

Sorry about that...

Q: Check the rhyme y'all.

Check the rhyme y'all.

Check the rhyme y'all.

Check the rhyme y'all.

Check the rhyme y'all.

Check the rhyme y'all.

Check it out.

Check it out.

Check the rhyme y'all.

Check the rhyme y'all.

Check the rhyme y'all.

Play tapes y'all.

Check the rhyme y'all.

Check the rhyme y'all.

Check it out.

Check it out.

Do you know the secret hand signal for peeing in your wetsuit?

Well, I do.

P: Back in days on the boulevard of Linden,

we used to kick routines and the presence was fittin'

It was I the Phifer,

Q: And me, the abstract.

The rhymes were so rumpin' that the brothers rode the 'zack.

P: Yo, tip you recall when we used to rock

Those fly routines on your cousin~s block.

Q: Um, let me see, damn I can't remember.

I receive the message and you will play the sender.

P: You on point Tip?

Q: All the time Phife.

P: You on point Tip?

Q: Yeah, all the time Phife.

P: You on point Tip?

Q: Yo, all the time Phife.

P: So play the resurrector and give the dead some life.

Today, I had to trade a hug for the use of a box cutter.

I tried to haggle a bit and get it down to a handshake.

But he wasn't having any of it.

So, I hugged the lug. Or rather, he hugged me.

Um..can you say, "uncomfortable"?

Then, after return of above mentioned box cutter. Not one minutes walk through the warehouse later, I got my ass slapped.

Yeah..so, maybe I open the door for this a bit by being a bit too friendly with the peeps out there, but that was a first for me.

And I'm bad at being "offended" where I probably should've been and shoulda said something.

but whatev.

it's my big ass. It's like a black hole (ahem) pulling everyone into it.

watch out.

stay back

from the crack.

okay then.

Q: Okay, if knowledge is the key then just show me the lock.

Got the scrawny legs but I move just like Luke Brock,

With speed. I'm agile plus I'm worth your while.

One hundred percent intelligent black child.

My optic presentation sizzles the retina.

How far must I go to gain respect? Um.

Well, it's kind of simple, just remain your own

Or you'll be crazy sad and alone.

Industry rule number four thousand and eighty,

record company people are shady.

So kids watch your back 'cause I think they smoke crack,

I don't doubt it. Look at how they act.

Off to better things like a hip-hop forum.

Pass me the rock and I'll storm with the crew and ...

Proper. What you say Hammer? Proper.

Rap is not pop, if you call it that then stop.

Shh...do you hear that?!?!?!

It's a killer BEEP solo!!!

NC, y'all check the rhyme y'all.

SC, y'all check it out y'all.

Virginia, check the rhyme y'all.

Check it out. Out.

In London, check the rhyme, y'all.

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