February 17, 2004 - 6:46 AM

San Francisco and Las Vegas had sex and had a baby and they named it New York City.

I’m still here….I’m still queer….get used to it.

This town kicks my ass because I ask it to.

Like, take last night. I knew I was gonna go out and get fucked up and stay out until four am, but I whole-heartedly tried…really….TRIED…to go home at midnight.

But I was pulled into the tractor beam that is K^*y. He gives you the major guilt treatment and makes you stay all night.

Fucker.

It all started at a restaurant at 21st and 6th called Tomato where, in addition to two bottles of wine and some mac n cheese, I had the best spinach salad I’ve had in my entire life.

I orgasmed twice.

Much to the disgust of my friends.

(but I know they liked it)

The bartender was dark and sexy and probably gay….it was the ruffled tuxedo shirt that gave it away. Too bad for him cuz I woulda spread for him if he asked.

Just kidding.

Sorta.

The three of us were buzzed when we left the restaurant and were still reveling the satisfaction of the waiter calling us “The Sex In The City Girls”.

We walked a block in the wrong direction and it wasn’t fuckin’ funny cuz it was in the teens and our faces were so frozen part of my nose cracked and fell on the ground and got eaten by a real NYC rat.

Now I look like a freak.

We were invited to an industry party…um…no…let me backup…we were NOT invited to this party, someone who was invited, invited us. So we called his ass up and he was a post 2 come outside and get us in…but when we got there..there was a line and a big black bouncer singing man and no friend of mine. So we batted our eyes to singing black bouncer man and he motioned us over to the side all secret-signal like he would get us in ..juss chill fo now.

Then an old man who had an extra invite was kind enough to give me it and the bouncer said it was only good for two people and my blonde friend said two blondes actually count as one person and he believed her and let us three in.

The place was packed and hoppin and I was anxious and excited to see all my boy toys that I hadn’t seen since we tore it up the year before.

But first we had to check our coats.

We ambled and pushed and rubbed our bodies against the crowd and made our way to the downstairs coatcheck where we had a teasing fight with a guy from jersey who made fun of us being from California…and it was funny.

Then we went upstairs to locate my bitches.

It wasn’t going to be easy.

The place was big and packed and had a bunch of little alcoves and rooms and it was dark.

But after one sweep of the place I found them and hugged and hugged and screamed and got lifted off the ground and was affectionately called butthole and affectionately called people butthole right back and had free drinks brought to me upon my request and I stared into one man’s eyes extra extra extra long and my smile hurt my face. And all my boy bitches loved me and I loved them.

These men are in my heart. You don’t even unnastan. Old work mates and that’s surely not adequate to describe our relationship. They’re like the people you sat shoulder to shoulder to on the front line of some suffering war and you develop that bond…that bond that only you understand between you and that will be lifelong and will spring to life with the heat of an inferno behind it when you see them after not seeing them for a year.

And it all comes back…why you love them and why they love you and you tell them that and they tell you and it’s a fucking love fest with clothes on and vodka.

It was a loud music room with flashing lights and I was that girl that you see spinning and spinning and getting passed around from face to face and all you can see is her face and the room remains a blur…and it’s a happy joyous thing and you can feel it in her and it spreads to even you and you end up smiling.

It was that happy.

Six, seven, eight boys …an me…catching up on shit….but not even cuz you were too busy being in the moment and not retaining anything but just floating in the feelings and the laughter and there was plenty and it was fuckin kick ass.

I showed them how to triple kiss and I showed them how to share one small piece of trident between three people.

And then I accidentally chewed off the lip of my girlfriend and, no really, she was bleeding.

And one of the most coolest men and the most hottest man on this planet we call earth was FUCKING WASTED and he is a happy drunk and the booze wore on him like truth serum and he confessed some things to me that a happily married man with two beeeyoooteeful children should not confess to a happily married woman.

And I was pleasantly shocked and honored and almost cried and later on, he gave me a lap dance.

And I danced to outkast.

And had the smarts to stop drinking at one am.

And I wanted to take an alone cab ride but ended up with a cabful of people and my girlfriend was way too drunk and upon leaving the cab shut her coat in the door and luckily stopped that guy before he drove the full way up the street.

No worries.

I took aspirin and got undressed and then my cell phone rang and it was my bitches requesting my presence at ray’s pizza …they so crazy! I told them they were high and they all chanted my name on some street corner somewhere in the big apple to entice me to get out and I said they were high again cuz I was naked already and it was four am and I had to get up at seven to go to work and I hung up on them cuz I know none of them would ever remember it the next day.

And let me just gush about these boys…cuz I likea me the creative types…and alluv these guys are that type and they design cool fucking shit and they’ve made themselves money doing it and are running companies that do some major shit and they are sweet and nice and fun and smart and talented and I love them and they love me and if you could jump in a pool of ice water from real icebergs and even dry ice and acid reflux and that feeling of intense pain and your heart stopping…..well…make that all a POSITIVE thing and that’s what last night was.

And I still have to go to a client dinner tonight after 3 hours sleep and standing for 10 hours and dammit if I’m not going to have a cosmopolitan or two. And if I get phone called by my bitches I am going to TRY to tell them no..cuz it was so hard to function today that I just can’t make it twofertwo cuz maybe I’d get fired for not being able to complete a sentence and having to keep cleaning up my bleeding eyes. And that would drive the customers away..and that is a bad thing for business.

I love this town.

I love my bitches….they are good people…no, really. You’d love them.

I so do.

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