2004-01-07 - 8:00 a.m.

The first one entailed a father’s daughter turning into a big fish.

Which then morphed into a giant dolphin.

Which I then rode.

Apparently, I was an amazing dolphin rider. Simple signals gave the dolphin instruction on when to dive and when to surface.

Then a giant shark started chasing us. It was even bigger than the giant daughterdolphin I was riding.

We rode up some water-covered stairs. (?)

At the top a man appeared. He was a hero. He said he would save us from the giant shark that was making his way up the water-covered stairs towards us.

When the vicious shark appeared it gnashed it’s jagged, rows of sharp teeth and then it turned into my older brother.

Not to be fooled, I started biting off my older brother’s fingers…one at a time. It was morphing back and forth from fingers to fin to finger to fin again.

After I had bit them all off he started crying while looking at his bloody, stumpy hand. He sadly wailed/mumbled, “Why did you go and bite off my hand? Now I have to go drop my daughters off at school with no hand!”

And he trudged off with pink backpacks in his one good hand and I felt really bad.

But he was a giant SHARK trying to KILL me and my giant DOLPHIN!!!

But then I woke up and had to go pee to shake the vision of my biting off my brother’s fingers.

But when I went back to bed, I had yet another freaky dream.

Started out on a fenced walkway in some sort of apartment building. I was surrounded with girls from high school, most of them the bitchy ones I hated.

I watched in horror as they shoved one of the nice girls over the railing and she plummeted to her death on the cement below.

I screamed at them while they laughed.

Upset, I ran home.

Home being a hotel room where I find it completely trashed with broken everything, everywhere.

Immediately, my dog comes up to me and vomits up a doorknob and a shard of glass.

I run towards the kitchen to see my husband has brought home three rottwieler puppies who are also eating and throwing up broken glass.

I get pissed at the situation and start yelling at him (remember, I’m still upset at the nice girl getting pushed to her death earlier in the dream) and then he turns into Shrek and yells back at me.

Um, yes, Shrek.

This is the straw that breaks the camel’s back…so I leave.

Apparently I go on a group trip to some tropical, Mexico/Hawaii-type locale.

I get off the plane in a motorized wheelchair and a big purse.

That’s all I have with me…a big purse and I’m riding in a blue motorized wheelchair.

I look down and notice I’m wearing a skirt and my legs are unshaven. Sparse hairs grow from ankle to knee. But on my knees, I have gorilla-like black hair. All over. Sick.

So, I’m gunning my blue wheelchair over tropical grassland over to where our group is being welcomed.

A steel drum band plays and we are given tropical drinks. It’s then I realize that I’m 25 and everyone else is 60+.

I am on some type of old people vacation, but I’m young.

And all I have is a big purse.

Then the tour director puts a giant puppy head on me and makes me dance around.

In my blue wheelchair.

I don’t think I had anything wrong with my legs, but I was in a wheelchair nonetheless.

Then it switches.

I’m in the street out in front of my childhood home talking with Tony Pierce about “Take The Bus To Work Day”.

I was astonished to discover that for a daily bus rider he had no idea there was a “Take The Bus To Work Day”. (I don’t think there is…but this was a dream dummy.)

So we rode the bus to some sort of cruise ship where I ended up getting kidnapped by a serial killer but Tony tracks me down and saves me.

What does all of this mean?

I think it means, don’t eat Hunan Shrimp before going to bed.

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