2003-11-14 - 8:45 a.m.

I think I missed the memo.

You know, the memo that was distributed to everyone but me…

Well, maybe it only went to every retail outlet and department store and the TV execs.

It was the memo that says ramp Xmas the fuck up after trick or treating is over. Put up those Xmas decorations, get the holiday product out on those shelves and start rotating that Xmas music…NOW! There’s only 54 fucking days until Christmas!

Ho Ho Ho motherfuckers.

It’s been said many times before, but to get the holiday cup at Starbucks while you’re staring at their chalkboard where it has their “Peppermint Snowflake Mistletoe Macchiato” special written on it in red and green chalk and you’re listening to “It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas”….and it’s November 15th, well, that’s just plain wrong.

And yes, I’m still in the doldrums. But I guess that’s better than being fucked in the ass by a horse.

One thing about being mopey and wanting to run away and never come back, it makes you think about things. Other than the sudden dramatic weight loss from lack of desire to live, one thing I may take away from my sudden onslaught of depression is an insight to what makes me tick…or stop ticking as the case may be.

I’m sure I’ll be “better” soon.

I hope.

Maybe I’m down because I don’t smell as good as I normally do.

See, I’m out of perfume.

And I have this weird thing about perfume….I feel that I shouldn’t be the one buying it. Somehow I believe it should be my man that should be going out and buying it for me.

I don’t know why.

So, I usually hint to him that I’m out.

They’re usually pretty huge, obvious, sledgehammer on the testicles type hints.

Like, I’ll be standing one foot in front of him, dramatically holding up my empty bottle of Red Door, spray the air with nothing and walk forward into the nothing so that the smell of nothing gets on me and then I declare, “OH LOOKS LIKE MY PERFUME IS EMPTY! GUESS I NEED MORE PERFUME!!”

It usually doesn’t generate much of a response. So then my next tactic is to subtly hint that it would be a good idea if he bought me more perfume.

“HEY HONEY, I’M OUT OF PERFUME! SURE WOULD BE GREAT IF I HAD ANOTHER BOTTLE!!!”

It’s been two weeks and I still smell like nothing.

He’s not very good at hints.

Oh great, a fellow employee just emailed me that her supervisor smells of alcohol.

And it’s only 8:00 am.

I proposed that perhaps it’s “leftovers” from last night.

She emailed back that she didn’t think so…that it was too strong of a smell.

I proposed that maybe the supervisor’s husband didn’t buy her perfume that normally would’ve camouflaged the smell.

Ha. Just kidding.

Her husband is dead.

I’m just going to ignore it and maybe it will go away. This lady (early 60’s?) has smelled of alcohol before…this early..and I just ignored it. Then it went away. That was when I was her boss. Now I’m not.

Well, now it’s back.

And we had a company trip to Vegas once and I kid you not this lady was in the bar…any bar…the entire time, even in the airport before and after the flight. And she was way drunk most of the time. Loud and laughing drunk.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about loud and laughing drunkenness, but not all day and all night with your boss and coworkers.

It was actually kind of sad. She’s a nice lady.

Drunk, but nice.

And I want to go see Cracker next week, but that might not happen.

And my mom broke her ankle and it sucks to be her.

And I love the Internet cuz I just purchased some amazing things off of the Internet that isn’t available to me in real life.

The Internet rules.

Just ask Pairs Hilton.

Have a blessed day.

Fuck that..I hate when people say that.

So, have a kick ass day!

That’s much better…

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