2003-11-07 - 12:26 p.m.

I like the confusion that is the new OutKast song. It doesn’t follow the rules and therefore, it becomes interesting to me.

I think that’s why I like Courtney Love and Quentin Tarantino and Howard Stern. They don’t follow the rules all of the time either. They’re not cookie cutter. Fuck the cookie cutter. Even if the cookie turns out to be crap, at least it’s an interesting cookie.

…I waited in line behind a small Asian man this morning at Starbucks. We waited in line for at least 4 minutes. When he got to the counter, he suddenly executed a move out of The Matrix. He leaned back so suddenly, defying gravity, as though he was dodging slo-mo Agent bullets, just so he could look up at the coffee menu. He almost hit me.

This guy would be excellent at The Limbo.

But why, after waiting four minutes in line, does he need to consult the coffee menu? You would think four minutes is an adequate amount of time to make your coffee decisions. I know SB has 425 selections on their menu, but come on.

I have a J*e*n*n*a J*a*m*e*s*o*n porno awaiting my eyeballs at home, in my bedside drawer. I haven’t ever watched her in a porn. I also think Bunnie’s favorite gal, A-s-I-a Car-r-era is in this one. Hopefully it will have lots of sex and nudity. I like that in my porn.

I think I have a crush on my ****’s ****ball coach. She is the coolest person and we get along like peanut butter and jelly on white bread. And for a larger, possibly gay, slightly butch, female, I strangely find her attractive. I think it’s how cool she is and how cool she is and how funny and how nice and how cool and what a great person she is that outweighs her notahotgirl looks.

Did I mention how cool she is?

And I know she likes me…as a person. At the least I want to have drinks with her. But I think it would be fun for her to try to kiss me.

But that might ruin our friendship. (assuming we become good friends)

And, technically, I am her client, considering I pay her once a week for private lessons for my *****.

Hmmm..that’s kind of a turn on….

Maybe all of this fantasizing I’ve been doing lately is a direct correlation to the fact that I haven’t had sex in a week.

Aunt Flo came to visit.

(eeewwww!! That’s gross!!! I hate when girls talk about the P word!!! Ewww!!! )

Fuck you.

And you know what?

Chicken butt.

So, as it turns out, I will be sharing a suite WITH MY BOSS in Las Vegas. I asked if she could bring her cop uniform but she said no. I told her that if she brought her cop uniform, I would bring my 12-year old fashion model costume and she called me a sicko.

I don’t think that makes me a sicko…Kinky maybe, but a sicko? Sickos are greasy, mullet wielding, 32 year olds who jerk off with mayo on their wanky little penises, while hiding behind dumpsters watching two transvestites suck each other off.

That’s a sicko.

And yesterday I listened to Korean rap music. It’s a trip. The starts rapping in Korean then busts out in English with ghetto talk, then jumps back into Korean. I’m told she is American born Korean and that she speaks better English then she does Korean. It’s pretty funny.

cheers

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